This is not my ceiling
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
