Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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