So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
