I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
