Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
