I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
