In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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