the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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