I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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