he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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