His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
