The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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