this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
