My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
