I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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