wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
