Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
