You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
