I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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