I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
