never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
