Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
