just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
