I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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