lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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