i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
