i may or may not be watching the land before time
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
