My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
