Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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