if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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