Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
