i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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