I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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