How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
