so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this boner is exhausting
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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