May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
