are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
