billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
