She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize