I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
