So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
