I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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