I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
