Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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