I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
