i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
