I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
