my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
