No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
