She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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