O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
