I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am spending my child support on dildos
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Randomize
