I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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