Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
