Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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