the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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