Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
