I'm lost and stupid without you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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