I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
