Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your penis caused this!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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