Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize