very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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