I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize