Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
