My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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