Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
