That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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