i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
