so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
