3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
