Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
