i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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