don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
