somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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