So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize