if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
