Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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