Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize