Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
