the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
