were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We don't watch enough power rangers
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize