oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You work out of a Hotel?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
