Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
