ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
