Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
