Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
