I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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