he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
