What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
