super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
