my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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