the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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