i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're too hungover to prance.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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