me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
