Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
