did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
