tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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