Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm too high and old for this...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
