This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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