Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize