You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
