Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
