Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
