Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
